Posts made in June, 2010

Stay Tuned!!

Posted by wendy on Jun 24, 2010 | 0 comments

We’re moving!

We left Los Angeles a couple of days ago and we’re having an adventure on our way to Vancouver.
I’ll be back soon with some fun stories from our trip!

Incautious Optimism

Posted by wendy on Jun 16, 2010 | 1 comment

Sometimes I scare myself with my own optimism.  I’m not normally a “glass half empty” kind of gal, nor am I a “half glass full” one, either.  I’m more of a “glass is neither full nor empty – it’s a half a glass” person.  I can see both sides of most arguments, even if I have come down firmly on one.  I like to think I’m a well-informed individual on the issues and things I care about, and that leaving ones’ self willfully ignorant is, well, ignorant.

But on occasion I jump blindly into the abyss. 

An hour ago I had one of my soon-to-be-famous “Ooooooohhhh!!  Let’s do it!!!” moments.  One that will either make family memories to last a lifetime, or be a disaster of epic proportions.  I guess there will be memories either way.

I have mentioned before that we’ve never taken Jack to see a movie in the theatre.  He enjoys movies, but I’ve just never been brave enough to take him to a theatre.  A big part of me thinks he’ll be fine, especially if it’s a film he’s never seen before (lately he’s not into reruns).  Another part of me envisions spending great stretches of time in the lobby with a screaming child or having to drag my other movie-enjoying children home because Jack can’t handle even being in the building anymore.

I still have these worries.  However, an opportunity has presented itself that seems just too wonderful to miss. 

This last weekend we had our last “Sunday Funday” outing with Jack’s ABA Christine.   The same day, at the El Capitan Theatre down the street, was the Toy Story 3 premiere.  Seizing on the opportunity to do something fun for the kids (ok, for me) with an extra set of hands, we decided that standing out in the sun and waiting for a glimpse of Buzz and Woody (and Tim and Tom) was just the adventure we needed.

We stood outside in the sun for a really long time, almost exhausting the patience of my children.  In Lennon’s case, he was just exhausted.

Eventually our waiting paid off.

Most Disney films have their premieres on weekend afternoons so attendees can bring their families.  The afterparties are usually a spectacle, which I had fully expected to see this time as well.  My husband had taken the kids down to see the millions of balloons up and down Hollywood Boulevard for “Up.”  For this film?  Nothing.  Not a toy, nada.  Just characters greeting the stars as they entered the red carpet.

Something smelled fishy in Disney-land.  We decided to investigate.  Again, we were rewarded.  Behind the theatre, on the grounds of Hollywood High School, we discovered this:

That’s more like it.  Disney set up their own little “Toy Story 3” carnival.  My kids went insane.  They wanted nothing more than to play at the “Toy Story Land carnival” as they called it.  I tried to explain that it’s only for “special” people and we’re not that “special,” but they weren’t having it.  I decided they’re still a bit young for the “inequities of Hollywood” speech, and just told them it was closed.  That they bought.  Of course, they also think the ocean is closed on Mondays, too.  For cleaning or something.

It’s been almost a week since our magical outing, and the boys still haven’t stopped talking about it.  All of a sudden we are all “Toy Story” all the time around here.  Even Jack, who has decided that Buzz Lightyear isn’t quite so scary after all (for now).

Perusing my inbox during a break in the packing today, I came across a helpful email from Disney announcing the “Toy Story 3” opening day on Friday.  For kicks, I pulled up the El Capitan website.  I figured maybe I would take Lennon to the morning showing while Jack was at his last day of school.  Jack wouldn’t like a movie right now anyway, right? 

Of course, that’s not what happened.  If it were, this would be a pretty boring post.  What I discovered on the website is not only is the “Toy Story Fun Zone” open to the public for the entire summer, but every movie ticket includes an hour and a half of  “Toy Story” fun there.  $18 each for the kids and $20 each for the adults got us not only the movie (with all of the old-timey splendor the El Cap has to offer), but a trip to Buzz and Woody land as well.

I didn’t stop to think.  I bought us all tickets.  Ok, I did think a little bit.  I figured we would buy Jack a ticket, but only take him to the Fun Zone and not the movie.  But then the 10am showing sold out, so we had to purchase tickets for the 4pm showing, when Jack would be out of school.  New plan: take all three children to the movie and the Fun Zone. 

This is where my optimism got the best of me.  You see, the movie is in 3D.  My kids have never been to a movie, let alone a 3D offering, which has all the wicked potential of a sensory-overloaded experience. Still, I powered on.

I rationalized that since we were already willing to buy Jack a ticket to a film he wasn’t going to see anyway, we might as well let him decide for himself whether or not he wants to watch it.  If he decides it’s too much, David can take him outside (or to the Disney ice cream and gift shop, conveniently located next to the lobby). 

I told the boys about this plan right after I bought the tickets.  I thought they might be happy or a little excited.  I did not expect the unbridled joy and screeching and leaping in the air.  The constant reminders that “we’re going to the ‘Toy Story’ carnival, Dad!” and “on Friday we’re going to see Buzz and Woody, Mom!”  The utter happiness on the faces of my boys just thinking about what fun they’d be having, spending 3 1/2 hours ensconced in “Toy Story” bliss.

I am charging into the unknown, clinging to my optimism.  I am convinced that even if the movie experience comes to a fiery demise, we will all have fun at the “Toy Story 3 Fun Zone.”  Even if that only means we go in, take some photos and leave. 

My children have the amazing ability to rewrite history, and I’m putting all my faith in that for this adventure.  The last time we went to the beach Lennon fell face first into the surging tide and Jack, against his better judgement, darted into the surf to retrieve some seashells.  There were many tears and chattering teeth, but later, when asked about their favorite parts of the day, they seemed to recall a different experience.  Lennon’s  favorite thing was “swimming in the ocean,” and Jack’s was “picking up shells.”  I nodded and smiled, thinking what a difference a few hours and dry clothes can make.

Maybe everything will be fine in “Toy Story 3” land.  If not, we can always pretend we had an awesome time.  Eventually it’ll be the truth.

A Cease-Fire… For Now

Posted by wendy on Jun 12, 2010 | 0 comments

We’ve decided to call a cease fire in the potty war.  It’s not a truce, per se, but a break in the action until we get settled in our new home in Vancouver.

After several multi-hour standoffs -each ending in success and prizes, mind you – the war is still raging and threatening to become a disgrace on our parenting administration.  In the name of civility, and because Christine told us to, we’re backing off for now.  In truth, the battle had devolved into a power struggle, with both sides refusing to budge.  That’s no way to win.

Children love and fear change (don’t we all?), and we’re going through quite a big one here this week.  Everything we own is going into boxes, and in a matter of days we’ll be leaving our home, our city and our country behind.  Change is in the air, and my children can sense it. 

Jack has always been really good with being flexible within reason.  He can take a nap or skip one, he can miss a day of school or not.  But big change, like transitioning into a big boy bed, moving his brother into his room, or heck, moving to another country?  That sort of thing takes some getting used to.  In my own personal vendetta against the diaper, I managed to forget this very important rule in our household.

So, diapers are once again de rigeur for naps, and we’re going to enjoy our move to the best of our ability.  We’ll save the battles for another day.

Just don’t tell Jack.

Control

Posted by wendy on Jun 6, 2010 | 3 comments

My child is smart.  All of my children are smart, actually, but Jack is a little beyond his age.  He’s always tested on the level of a child several years his senior, and we’ve known since his infancy that he knows a lot more than he lets on. 

I know what you’re thinking.  Every parent thinks their child is “gifted.”  Each boy and girl at the playground can do something faster and better than yours (and did it much earlier).  Every preschool child is learning at a super-human pace and prepping for college.   It’s a never-ending game of one-upmanship, this parenting gig.

But seriously, Jack is pretty intelligent.  He has always caught on to things quickly, whether we liked it or not.  We’ve always known that if you show him how to do something he’ll do it until it’s mastered.  This can include mundane tasks such as coloring, building castles and folding paper airplanes, but also extends to opening child-proof gates, mastering electronics and starting the van.  Jack has kept us on our toes, to say the least.  He’s also taught us to hide the machinations of anything we’re not ready for him to do yet, like those gates.  Too late on that one.

Jack is also pretty stubborn.  He gets it honestly, from both of his parents.  He won’t do anything that he doesn’t want to do, or isn’t his idea.  Being stubborn is not unique to my 4 1/2-year-old, I know; it’s not even unique to autism.  My 3-year-old just today threw a royal fit because he was not allowed to walk from the elevator to the van by himself (mainly due to the fact that he had also thrown a fit because he wanted a toy we had left in the apartment and had planted himself squarely on the garage floor).  My almost-18-month-old son will scream and throw everything he’s offered if it’s not exactly the same thing his older brothers have.  Believe me, I know from stubborn children.

My eldest child, however, is apparently aiming for a world record of stubbornness.  He is elevating being bull-headed to an art form.  An art form that can only end in some sort of disaster, either for us or himself.  Jack focuses his stubbornness on things he believes he can control.  I get this completely.  When there are so many things you can’t control, you grasp at whatever you can.  In Jack’s case, it’s behaviors.

I firmly believe that Jack was able to speak all along, just chose not to.  The fact that he started speaking within two weeks of speech therapy – with no “baby talk” – attests to that.  I also know that he was able to take bites of food long before he let us stop cutting everything into little pieces (around two and a half).  But now, at 4 1/2, he’s hanging on to one last bastion of babyhood.  He won’t give up his diapers.

That’s not entirely true.  Jack wears underwear from the time he wakes up until it’s time for bed.  He has, however, instituted some pretty strict rules for his toileting.  If he’s home, he’ll go potty whenever he needs to.  He’s proficient in doing everything himself.  If we’re anywhere but home, though, forget it – Jack is a camel.  He won’t even try.  That kid will hold it for an entire day rather than use any facility that isn’t home.

For those of you out there (and I know you’re out there) who also abhor using public facilities, let me assure you this is less than convenient.  He won’t use the potty at school, and he won’t use it at Target (you know that’s a  problem).  He wouldn’t use the Queen’s potty, even if there were no loudspeaker and it was really, really nice.  Heck, he won’t even pee in the bushes like his brother has grown to enjoy.

As for poopy?  Forget it.  That’s where the diaper comes in.  He won’t do it in a bathroom, no matter where that bathroom is.   He’ll hold it as long as it takes for us to give in and put on a diaper.  Without fail, once the diaper goes on, Jack goes, too. 

Why do I think Jack is being stubborn as opposed to not being ready?  Because a) he’s gone potty in public toilets before but stopped, and b) he’s gone poopy in the potty before and stopped.  He just decided one day that these behaviors were for losers, and quit.  We’ve tried everything.  Our ABA has tried everything.  I’ve spent more money than I care to admit on prizes and incentives that Jack ultimately decides he doesn’t want or need (after getting truly excited about them).  He just doesn’t want to do it, and until he decides otherwise, the game is on.

The hitch in all of this is the fact that we’re moving to Canada in two weeks.  We’re not only leaving the only potty Jack will use willingly, we’re taking a week to drive up there.  That means hotels and lots of public restrooms along the way.  We’ve tried telling him they won’t let us into Canada unless he figures out the potty and poopy dilemma, but I’m not sure he believes it.  The bottom line is we’re going, whether he’s ready or not.

I’m really hoping it doesn’t come to a trial by fire.  I know that forcing Jack to do something he doesn’t want to do never ends well.  I want nothing more than to mark this post with an update and a “little victories” tag, but I honestly have no idea how long it will take for that to happen.  It could be tomorrow, or it could be months from now.  It’s all up to Jack.

And I can only wonder what he’ll focus his stubborn streak on next.